Overal I think there is an ultimate goal in Odysseus' mind all throughout the odyssey, to return home to his wife and son as well as slay the suitors. When Eurycleia discovers that he has returned he is scared that his plan may be ruined if Penelope finds out. This fear was what most likely drove him to be so harsh and grab her throat. You would also have to look at the situation, with Penelope so close he did not know what would happen. Oddyseus' anger may not have been justified but in the heat of the moment it seems that is just whaT he was compelled to do. However, This story takes place so long ago that maybe his treatment would not have been unusual.
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